What Is Self-Esteem—and How Can I Build It?

Self-esteem is everywhere—you’ll see it on motivational posters and hear it in everyday advice: “Believe in yourself!” But what does that actually mean? And more importantly, how do we genuinely build self-esteem rather than just repeating the words?

At its core, self-esteem is the sense of our own value and worth. It's influenced by our environment, relationships, physical and mental health, personality, and life experiences. And it’s dynamic—it can rise or fall not just over years, but even from one moment to the next.

🔍 Start Noticing Your Positive Moments

Next time you're feeling good about yourself, pause and observe:

• Who are you with?

• Where are you?

• What just happened?

Moments of confidence can offer clues about what supports your self-esteem—and what might be draining it.

You may notice that certain people uplift you, while others leave you feeling inadequate. Instead of brushing these moments off, reflect on them. What specifically triggers your feelings of insecurity? Someone’s humor? Their confidence? Their success?

Understanding these patterns can help you identify what you value—and what you might want to develop in yourself.

⚖️ Be Careful with Comparisons

Comparing ourselves to others is natural. It can even motivate us—if we’re in control of the comparison.

But it becomes harmful when we hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations. For example:

• Do you expect to master everything the moment you start something new?

• Do you think being quiet means you’re less likable?

When our internal expectations don’t match reality, it creates distorted self-perceptions. Instead of aiming to be the life of the party, maybe your win is making a friend laugh. Instead of needing perfection, maybe progress is enough.

🧠 Challenge Negative Thinking Patterns

The way you talk to yourself matters. Our thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies. If you say, “I’ll probably fail,” then every setback reinforces that belief, while every success feels like a fluke.

Instead, ask:

• “Is this belief helping me or holding me back?”

• “Would I talk to a friend the way I’m talking to myself?”

🛠️ Use the Tools You Have—Or Ask for New Ones

Building self-esteem isn’t about suddenly becoming someone else. It’s about learning to trust yourself, reflect honestly, and treat yourself with compassion.

Imagine your mind like an engine. If it’s sputtering, do you blame it? Or do you pop the hood, look around, and start adjusting? You don’t need to fix everything alone—sometimes you need a new tool, a manual, or just someone who knows their way around the system.

That’s where therapy comes in. At OSO Wellness, we’re here to help you explore your strengths, challenge harmful beliefs, and reconnect with your sense of self-worth.

📞 Ready to take the next step? Call us at (804) 409-7525 or visit our Client Portal to schedule a consultation.